I’m CSPC member Carol Sparks. Here’s how I’m living deeply. 

“Ken passed away almost nine years ago now. Prostate cancer. It metastasized- got into his bones, his lungs. He suffered quite a bit toward the end. But he never had to be hospitalized, which I was thankful for. Hospice was wonderful. Even while Ken was on his deathbed, I still tried to fix things he would like. He loved my French onion soup. I made it so many times, I thought, ‘He’s gonna hate this after a while.’ And sure enough, he didn’t want it anymore- that’s how it gets with cancer at the end stage. It’s ugly. I hated to see him go. After 23 years of marriage, I can’t adequately put into words the emptiness I felt after he died. But he was in such pain, which was even harder to bear, and I didn’t want to see him in that condition. As a believer, he knew he was going to a better place- and he didn’t want to be in that condition either. A lot of people knew Ken from the more than three-and-a-half decades he spent as Carson Newman’s head football coach. Ken won five national championships and several conference championships. He was also president of the American Football Coaches Convention. He retired in December 2016 and passed in March 2017- so he coached almost till he died. Later this year, he’ll be inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame. (I wish it would’ve happened before he died, but it’s still quite an honor.) Here’s what people don’t always understand about Ken, though. He always asked people: ‘How’s your heart?’ That was his line. What he meant by that was: Do you know the Lord? Anybody who really knew him knew that was his thing. He felt called to coaching just like a minister feels called to ministry. Yes, he hoped to win football games. But that was never his ultimate goal. He knew winning wouldn’t satisfy. It’s fleeting and it never does.

After Ken passed, I stayed in Jefferson City for another year. It was still very much home. I had enjoyed being a coach’s wife- hosting and supporting the other coaches’ wives. A coach’s wife is very similar to a pastor’s wife. They oftentimes get kind of left alone a lot. So the younger wives needed encouragement sometimes, and the Lord allowed me to minister to them. That was a blessing. Those connections were still in place, and everyone in Jefferson City was just so kind to me as I took care of the practical things that needed to be done after Ken’s passing. As far as thinking about the future, I really just knew God would take care of me, so I didn’t worry or think much about it. It wasn’t until about a year after Ken’s death that my son started really encouraging me to come down here to Knoxville, where he and his family live. So I prayed about it. And I made the move. I ended up going to church in Oak Ridge for several years. The people there were wonderful. But as I got older, the trip got to be a little much. So I said, ‘Lord, I need to find a church closer to home.’ A friend in my neighborhood, Jennifer, told me, ‘Carol, you need to go to CSPC.’ Now, I knew about CSPC, but I don’t do anything without praying about it. So I prayed. Then Jennifer called her friend Ann Bentley, who is a member at CSPC. Ann was such a gracious hostess as she encouraged me to try out the church, then walked me through the process of actually attending. Ann didn’t just meet me- she picked me up at my house and drove me to the church, took me all around, and introduced me to everyone. It turned out I already had a connection at CSPC: Leonard Hines, who I’d been friends with for years since I moved to Knoxville. So it was like the Lord was already weaving things together before I even showed up.

People sometimes say, ‘Well, CSPC is such a big church.’ And I kind of thought that myself at first- that maybe I needed a smaller church. But I feel like CSPC does an excellent job of communicating and helping you get connected. And I jumped right in! First, I got involved with the Emmaus Sunday School Class. It was great because they also have smaller groups within Emmaus (called Silver Spoon) that are just another way to get to know people in your class. So six of us went to lunch and shared what we wanted God to do in our lives- I said I wanted to love Him better (and I’ll come back to that). I’m also part of a group for widows called Not By Choice- we meet once a month for lunch. Another community I’ve become a part of is The Circle, which is missions-focused. We sponsor missionaries -pray for them, give financially- and we also support local missions. (One group we pray for and learn about serves women who have lost their way and been brought back.) Every time we meet, we pass envelopes around to help however we can. Plus, we’re studying A.W. Tozer’s book on pursuing God, which is so rich and encouraging. I love missions and the fact that CSPC sends out missionaries all over the place. (I even got to house a missionary couple for this year’s mission conference!) There’s one more group I’ve gotten involved with- the Grace and Truth Bible study on Wednesdays. That’s been a big one for me. It’s a similar format to BSF, which I did for many years (I was a discussion leader, then class administrator and children’s leader). That makes four good areas where I’ve plugged in, if you will, over just the past year. God’s growing me spiritually through it all, and part of the reason I’m growing is because of how much I enjoy the fellowship in each setting. When you’re a widow or widower, that fellowship means everything.

God has brought me so many blessings through coming to CSPC, but more than anything, He’s showing me He’s my best friend. With Ken no longer here, I’m just so aware of God being with me all the time- and I’m growing in my awareness of just how good He is. Of course, there’s a lot to that, and it involves discovering more about His other attributes, too. For example, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about His trustworthiness. And as I spend time in the Word every day, I’ve also become so aware of His infinite wisdom. I ask Him to give me discernment, to know how to live out my life in a way that honors Him, which is what I want to do more than anything. And I find that He gives just the guidance I need. Ken understood all of this, too. There was a young man he coached named Mark Isom. Mark didn’t have the grades to get into school at first, but he had the athletic ability to play football. Ken believed in Mark when nobody else seemed to. When he didn’t have much hope, Ken gave him a chance. Today Mark is a very successful businessman. He’s given back to Carson Newman financially again and again because of the opportunity God gave him through Ken. Mark likes to say, ‘If it weren’t for Ken Sparks, there wouldn’t be any Mark Isom.’ That’s the kind of man Ken was. He used his platform for something bigger than himself. Ken knew the championships, the Hall of Fame- those are great things. But only when you’re desiring them in their proper measure while treasuring Jesus supremely can you really enjoy them as His gifts. If you’re going for the gifts, they’ll become idols that don’t satisfy. Ken knew that. His goal was loving the Lord, not winning. And that’s where I am- I just want to love God supremely, because I know I’ve only scratched the surface of who He is. God is using my CSPC family to help me pursue Him- and what could be better than that? So, what about you? Are you new- and nervous about plugging in? That’s understandable. But let me encourage you: it’s not where God wants you. Give it a try. Trust Him. Say yes. God will honor your trust and help you -yes- live deeply (I love that phrase!). Don’t think of it as taking a risk, but a step of faith.”