I’m CSPC Director of Communications Cary Lewis, and this is how I’m living deeply.

“Brad & I became empty nesters a few years ago, and we were really excited about that. We were active people – I was a runner, we loved going on long walks, we were ready to start traveling and doing new and different things. But a couple months before our daughter graduated, I ended up with herniated discs in my back. Suddenly I was dealing with excruciating lower back pain and the numbing discomfort of sciatica. So the first year of empty nesting was not at all what we thought it would be- no more running, no more anything. I was really shackled to the floor, basically. Every night after work I would ice my back and just lie on the floor. We couldn’t even go for a walk after dinner, much less jump in the car and go anywhere. Just riding in the car was painful. It’s hard to describe how much this wrecked my daily routine. For 17 years I would get up and go run at least five miles every morning. Every single day. All kinds of people from CSPC would see me running down Westland and honk or wave. But suddenly I couldn’t do any of that. (It’s funny- even years after I’d stopped running, people would tell me ‘I saw you running today,’ and I’d think, ‘No, you didn’t!’) It really was a severe blow to the life we’d planned. I remember just asking the Lord, ‘What are you doing in this? Why is this happening?’ and not really having many answers at that point.

What was really difficult about the running ending was that running was always my best time with the Lord. I needed movement to reach a point of solitude where it’s just me and God – I had to empty everything out. I’d spend the first couple of miles of each run shaking out the kinks, then miles three through five, I’d be talking to God. Everything was in my head when I started out- all of my cares would come to mind, and I was just clearing everything out. And then after that, after everything was empty, I could finally just be with Him. Those were my best, sweetest times with the Lord. When I came back from my doctor’s appointment where he finally said, ‘You’re done running, you cannot run anymore,’ I was in tears. The very first thing I said – I didn’t even think about it, it just popped out of my mouth – was, ‘Where will He find me now?’ It wasn’t about the running. It was like, ‘How am I going to have that time with God? I don’t have that sweet time with just Him anywhere else, and I don’t know how He’s going to find me that way anymore.’After about a year and a half of physical therapy, I started to feel better and could see maybe that I was going to be able to start exercising at some level again. I had a little hope. But then we just had a really hard year. First, Brad lost his dad. Then, six months later, I lost my dad. They were both mid-seventies, so relatively young. Through all of that – being limited in our ability to go places & enjoy physical activity, then losing our dads so early – we both really started thinking, ‘Okay, we need to say yes. Whatever it is that the Lord puts in front of us every day, or whatever the opportunity is, we’re going to say yes to Him. Because we don’t know how much time we have left.’ Even just in that year of me being on the floor every night, I started thinking, ‘When I am able to do things again, we’re going to do it. We’re just going to say yes.’

Recently, someone changed my whole perspective with just one word. As I wondered how I’d meet with the Lord again in that deep place, and as Brad & I committed to be intentional about saying yes to all He put before us, I kept talking about stepping out of my ‘comfort zone.’ You know, that safe little bubble we all create for ourselves? A friend stopped me mid-sentence and said, ‘Cary, stop calling it your comfort zone. Start calling it what it really is – shackles.’ That hit me like a lightning bolt. I wasn’t just comfortable; I was imprisoned by my own fears and limitations. At 51, I realized I had been living in shackles of my own making: afraid to intrude, afraid to get too involved, always holding back and managing from the sidelines instead of jumping in. Maybe THIS was where God wanted to start meeting with me. Maybe it was time to experience His presence in a new way? So slowly, things just started presenting themselves to us. My daughter-in-law works for Joni & Friends. She said, ‘Hey! Why don’t you all come to family camp and volunteer for the week?’ So we went and just jumped right in and had the most amazing experience there. Through that, we started working with the special needs ministry at CSPC- we hang out with adults at the Lighthouse gathering once a month and volunteer for Buddy Blast. I’d never done anything like this before. We even sang with our Lighthouse friends in front of the church one Sunday- and I would ONLY do that for them! Mary Kendall Akers, CSPC’s special needs ministry director, says, ‘In special needs ministry, you need to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.’ That’s become sort of a mantra, a game-changer for me. I’m going to say yes- to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. And as I live that out, opportunities keep coming up.

Last fall, Brad & I were asked if we would lead a small group for married young adults. We’d been wanting to do something that would have us serving together, but we didn’t know what we’d be able to offer these couples. We said yes, though, and before we knew it, they were coming over to our house once a week. At first, we’d get nervous every time, saying, ‘Do we have anything that’s going to help them?’ But God has provided, and we love these young marrieds so much. Being with them is always the sweetest time and such a joy. God was finding me in all these wonderful new ways- I was feeling His presence as I embodied what He was calling me to do in terms of service. But He wasn’t done stretching me yet, not by a long shot. Not long after we’d gotten into a rhythm with the young marrieds group, Mark Steimer randomly walked into our welcome center at the church and asked if I wanted to go to Prague with the CSPC college students. Eight weeks’ notice, no passport, never been on a mission trip, never left the country. It would have been easy to go with the comfortable answer and say, ‘No, I’m really more of a homebody. I’m not the type of person who dives into a mission trip.’ But instead of letting those shackles hold me back, I said yes. Sometimes the most profound changes in our lives come from the simplest shifts in perspective. What you call your ‘comfort zone’ might actually be the very thing keeping you from the better, spiritually richer life God has planned for you.

For the first three days of our mission trip to Prague in January, I was exactly who I’d always been – the manager, the organizer, the one who makes sure everyone else gets involved while staying safely on the sidelines. I was like a voyeur, watching the college students engage while I focused on logistics and efficiency. Then I watched our mission partner Petra, who runs Dignity Restoring Hope, a ministry to refugees in the Czech Republic. For the past several years, they’ve mostly been serving refugees coming over from war-torn Ukraine. When someone walked into the room with a need, Petra was immediately right there – crying with them, praying with them, being the shoulder they needed. Her love was immediate, present, and fearless. It was like watching the difference between Martha and Mary play out in real time. And I knew I’d been Martha my whole life – so worried about making sure everything ran smoothly that I was missing the actual point of being there. Halfway through the trip, I had to ask myself: Are you going to be IN this trip, or just watch it happen? That was when everything clicked. I stopped managing and started loving. And when I came back to Tennessee, I didn’t switch back. The boldness I found in Prague came home with me. Now I find myself walking into coworkers’ offices saying, ‘I noticed you’re hurting. Can I pray for you right now?’ – something I never would have done before. And you know what? Every single person has said yes with tears in their eyes. Nobody has ever responded negatively to me being bold or intruding. People want you to care. They would much rather you intrude or be bold than not step in at all.

We all have labels for ourselves – I’m an introvert, I’m the ‘get it done’ girl, I’m the efficiency person. At least that’s what I’d always told myself. In my mind, I’d say, ‘That person over there is the one that loves really well and relates well.’ We put these labels on ourselves. But then came Prague. And Petra. Just seeing Petra love – that changed me. Along with a word from a wise friend (see last weeks’ posts), God used Petra to change part of my spiritual DNA- to give me a holy boldness I’d never had before. And it hasn’t left. People come up to me and say, ‘We are so enjoying what the Lord is doing in your life right now. We are seeing it- we’re seeing you change.’ It’s exciting to see that, at 51, God really is changing me and doing different things in my life! People approach me constantly now – at church, around town, after seeing my social media posts about Prague (I just recently went on a second trip there in May- I remember walking the streets of Prague with Brad, amazed, saying, ‘How is this my life? And I get to come back and bring other people!’). Some have asked, ‘Do you think I could go on a mission trip?’ And my answer is always the same: ‘Absolutely you can. You don’t have to be a pastor or a teacher.’ I think people have responded to the fact that I’m just a normal person with no special skill or ability or reason to go to Prague. But somehow the Lord decided to take me there. Don’t assume you’re ‘a certain way’ that would disqualify you. There’s no such thing. Let the Lord mold you and change you. If you’re in it with the Lord, He’s going to change you.

If you had asked me back in January if I would be going to Prague four times this year, I would have been like, ‘Are you crazy?’ I had never left the country before January. Now I’m planning my third trip to Prague, and I’m not going alone. The ministry there is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. In Prague, less than 2% of Czech people are Christian – these beautiful, historic churches sit mostly empty. But Ukrainian refugees are bringing Christ with them. Their churches are growing so rapidly they’re constantly searching for new spaces. At The Well (Dignity’s community center that CSPC helps fund), there are English lessons, Czech lessons, Bible studies, kids’ camps. Every Monday, refugees gather at a monastery to roll medical bandages – prayed over as they’re prepared – for soldiers on the front lines. It’s a really moving experience because you realize they’re doing this for their people – their sons, their fathers, their friends. Every single morning they’re waking up and calling back home to see if their husband’s name is on the casualty list, if their son’s name is on the list. The emotional toll is unimaginable. But so is the spiritual fruit. God is powerfully at work among these Ukrainian refugees. Because of the situation they’re in, they’re really open to the gospel. CSPC is planning a mission trip to Prague for the fall; no special skills required. As I say that, I think of the train station in Prague where Petra greets refugees. There’s a statue of Nicky Winton there (you’ll see it if you join us for a mission trip). Nicky, with less than a handful of other people, saved 669 kids in World War II- getting them safely to Britain before Germany occupied Prague. In one scene of the powerful movie telling their story, these rescuers are wondering how they’ll pull it off. After all, they’re just a few ordinary people. Then one of them replies, ‘This is what we need. An army of the ordinary.’ And that’s what we need, too- just ordinary people willing to love like Jesus loves.”

Interested in joining an upcoming CSPC mission trip? Email Cary: carylewis@cspc.net