I’m CSPC member Jennifer Hill. This is how God’s been enabling me to live deeply through joining a CSPC mission trip to Prague this past October. 

“When I was a child, I wanted to be a missionary. I can remember reading in the Scriptures about going to tell, and I always wanted to do that. My grandmother taught Bible in her church and read her Bible all the time. I learned to love the Word of God. I even prayed about becoming a missionary, but that was not God’s path for me. It was always on my heart, but I just accepted that it wasn’t God’s direction for my life. He didn’t leave my desire totally unsatisfied. I was in Bible Study Fellowship for 30 years and was blessed to quickly move into a leadership position. For 13 of those years, I traveled to 15-17 classes, training class administrators and attending meetings with people from all over the world. Almost every time, I had a roommate who was from another country. I heard all these stories about what God was doing overseas. I just believed that was the way God answered my heart’s desire to become a missionary, by making me part of an international ministry. I had at least some small part in spreading the Gospel. It was wonderful work. But that tug to actually go to a foreign land never really left. The idea just didn’t seem realistic, though. I kept feeling like I was getting too old. I know that’s not true, but I guess I just bought into the lie. Then my friend Cary Lewis shared her Live Deeply story at church. Reading and hearing her story was incredible. She talked about comfort zones, and how someone had challenged her to call them what they really are: shackles. That just hit me so hard. I thought, ‘Yeah, that’s true about me.’ Cary talked about how she had decided to start saying yes to things. As her friend, I was seeing what God was doing in her life through that simple (but not easy) choice. I wanted that- that enthusiasm, that change. So I started asking God where He wanted me to say yes. 

Cary explained in her story that she leads CSPC mission trips to Prague. I was already well aware of that, and I thought, ‘Maybe, maybe, I don’t know.’ Well, she flat out asked me one day, ‘Would you ever want to go with me?’ My heart kind of went, ‘All right, Lord, you know.’ But I said, ‘Let me pray about it.’ Because I pray about everything. So I did, and I felt like God was telling me ‘Yes, you should go.’ Then, a couple months before the trip (which was in October), a series of events sprang into motion that started giving me some doubt. I got sick for two weeks. Then somebody almost ran into me at Hardin Valley High School at a track meet where my grandchildren were running. This guy was walking along, pulling one of those wagons you cart personal belongings like water bottles and jackets in. He was looking back at it, headed straight for me but didn’t see me. I stepped back, thinking, ‘I just know he’s going to hit me.’ I caught my heel on a railroad tie, went down, and my knee was in severe pain. I was afraid I’d need knee surgery. But when I found out my kneecap was only fractured, I was rejoicing! I asked the orthopedic doctor: ‘Do you think I could be ready by October?’ And he said, ‘I do.’ So he put me in intensive physical therapy. The physical therapist asked, ‘You got a trip or something coming up?’ I told her, and she said, ‘Oh, I wondered why he gave me all these different things he wants you to do. You’re going to be in better shape than you’ve probably ever been in.’ Then, about a month before the trip, we had a sudden death in the family. We learned our sister-in-law had cancer. She was gone nine days later. More pangs of doubt surfaced. I thought, ‘Well, Lord, maybe you’re telling me I’m not supposed to go.’ But God reassured me again. I never really thought He was saying no. I was hopeful the whole time. As it turned out, all these life events that kept coming up made me even more excited about the trip. I was more thankful that I got to go- I thought, ‘Wow, any one of these could have ended the whole thing.’ But He worked out every detail.

The trip was one of the happiest I’ve been on in a long time. There were four of us women- Cary, me, and two others. Two of us had never even met each other until we started planning the trip, but we got along fantastically. It was life-changing for sure. We worked with Tom and Petra Damms at Dignity Hope Restored (the Dignity Center, for short), a CSPC-supported ministry in the Czech Republic helping displaced Ukrainian refugees. One of the things the Dignity Center is doing (with the help of Knoxville’s Britton Sharp and his Collegiate Abbey ministry) is helping train Ukrainian pastors. It was fascinating to get a glimpse into that. Some of these men weren’t even pastors when they became refugees. But they were Christians, people were coming to them for spiritual help during the chaos of the war, and these men felt the call. Most weren’t formally trained and were so thirsty for teaching and connection. We also spent a day rolling bandages for the front lines at a monastery with Ukrainian women. They all have family and friends serving in the war. They know loss. Yet while they rolled bandages, they were singing- beautifully. It was so moving. They had a joy and a unity and a friendship- and they were in it together. The Dignity Center helps refugees from other places, too, and we heard some stories of people who’ve suffered terribly- physically abused by family and others through governmental authority because of their faith. We met a lady who was persecuted for converting to Christianity. Her story’s very private -she’s still in danger, so I can’t really share details- but suffice it to say she was physically abused. She cried out to Jesus every time something happened to her. When she got through telling her story, I asked, ‘Were you ever angry? I don’t see any anger in you.’ And she replied, ‘Not ever. Never angry at God. Jesus was always with me.’ I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ It almost made me feel guilty for complaining about anything in my own life. But beyond that, it made the Lord more real to me. 

I guess that’s the main way going to Prague changed me- God became more real in my life. To be with Tom and Petra, the volunteers, the pastors, the moms with their kids and the women rolling bandages. To hear the testimonies we heard. It all drew me closer to God in a way that’s beyond my ability to put into words. It’s life-changing to be with so many people going through hard times, to walk through them with these people who are hurting, and to see God holding them close in the midst of it. The whole mission trip was like an ‘I see you, I hear you, I know you’ moment from God to me. It’s like He was saying, ‘I have not forgotten your heart. I have not forgotten the desire you had as a little girl. I was there and I heard it and I’ve been working my plan. I know your heart.’ I think that’s why I had so much joy- because it was like this big hug from God. I feel different now, changed by Him. I had a chance to share a little bit about all this during a Thanksgiving luncheon at church, and I really experienced God’s power as I stood up to speak. Going into it, I thought, ‘Lord, I have nothing to say. I don’t know what I’m going to say, but you promised to give me the words.’ Here’s what I believe I ended up saying: ‘Everyone needs to prayerfully consider going on a mission trip because it does change you. Don’t think you’re too old or too incapable. And it’s not for everybody, so I don’t want anybody to feel guilty. But consider it- at least consider it.’ And that’s what I’d say to anyone reading this. Our church is so mission-minded, there are always going to be opportunities. Even if it’s just locally, being on mission by serving with a ministry in town, be part of something. God is not finished with any of us. As long as we’re breathing, He still has usefulness for us here on Earth. I’m not holding myself up as an example- I almost waited too long because I spent so many years questioning. So I understand hesitation- I’ve been there. But God’s at work, and He’s still got more for you.”