I’m CSPC member Krista Smith. This is how I’m living deeply.

“When I was on extended maternity leave with my youngest daughter in 2020, I was burnt out and, honestly, happy for a break. That was year 10 of teaching kindergarten, and each year the demands just kept getting harder: more challenging behaviors from kids coming in with so much trauma that we’d never seen before, new curriculum changes every year, juggling the overwhelming demands of work and parenting three girls under 7. I even started thinking, ‘What if there’s a way I could stay home or find a different source of income?’ My youngest was a preemie who spent time in the NICU, and with COVID happening, it just made sense for me to take two years off. (Knox County allows you to do that while keeping a position.) I had a little cookie business on the side during COVID, and I was able to devote a lot of time to that. I thought, ‘This is a good chance for me to see if this -my side job- could be a different path.’ It was kind of nice being home, and I’d joke with my husband about maybe not going back. But Mitch kept telling me, ‘I don’t feel like you’ve been released from this yet.’ And God spoke so clearly to me -through circumstances, conversations with others, and impressions from the Spirit- that this job is exactly where He has placed me, for His purpose and glory. I’d felt called to be a teacher forever (I’ve never NOT wanted to be a teacher!), but this was different. I had this huge shift in perspective. This wasn’t just my job anymore- this was my mission field.

Coming back to teaching in 2022 after taking two years off, I was in a unique situation: I was rested and recharged, while my colleagues had just worked through the worst two years of their careers during COVID. But more importantly, something had fundamentally changed in how I approached my calling. Those first 10 years, I was still striving to be the best teacher I could be. But, if I’m being honest, sometimes the reasons I tried so hard were because I wanted to look good for principals, impress parents, and climb that career ladder. In other words, it was about ME trying to be successful. Don’t get me wrong-  I still felt called by the Lord from the beginning, but I was focused on my own achievement. That was what God changed in me during my time away. Now I understand that He wants to use me for His purposes in my career, and the goal isn’t necessarily just to be the best teacher. That’s part of it, but the bottom line is… I won’t know all the reasons for what I’m doing and how it works together to glorify Him. The freedom in this perspective is incredible: If I make a choice that I feel I’m supposed to make, but it might not benefit my career or get me a pat on the back from the principal, that’s okay. My purpose is whatever the Lord wants from me there. Every child placed in my classroom, along with their families, are with me for a reason. And while I can’t directly share the gospel with them, I can love them like Jesus does. I can be a bright smile they see every single day. I can encourage and cheer them on. I can be patient and understanding when they’re carrying trauma that’s just too much for little hearts.

This job is beyond overwhelming some days. (A friend of mine and I regularly remind each other: We can do anything for nine months!) I’m unsuccessful a lot of times in addressing challenging behaviors. Today alone, the amount of breath prayers I whispered was constant: ‘Lord, here I am. Lord, help me.’ I go through difficult days thinking, ‘I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to approach this.’ But when I remember WHY I’m there, it takes the pressure off of me. I can simply come with open hands and say, ‘Lord, use me in this place.’ And it may sound cheesy, but this perspective really does cause you to have a deeper relationship with Him. It’s a more all-encompassing relationship when you’re constantly needing His strength throughout the day. Starting each morning (well, not every day, but the best I can!) with quiet time, Bible reading, and intentional prayer has become more consistent- because I need more help. So it requires me going to Him more. But here’s what’s beautiful: When the good days come, I can see the Lord’s kindness so clearly. Last year, I had a particularly ‘easy’ class, and I remember telling friends, ‘I just feel the Lord’s kindness.’ There are always highs and lows, of course. In the highs, I feel His provision. And in the lows, I go to Him for help. Some years, there will be a particularly difficult student in my class, and colleagues may ask, ‘How do you do it? How haven’t you quit?’ I can say, ‘Well, it’s not easy some days, but here we are. This student is a child of God and I’m going to treat this child that way.’ In a moment like that, taking the shift off of me and instead trusting the Lord to use me for His purposes honestly just feels easier. When Jesus says His burden is light, He means it! I love my job, and it brings me so much joy. But remembering WHY I’m there and WHO’s providing my strength, that’s what’s kept me going- and breathed so much new life and freedom into the past few years.”