I’m CSPC Student Ministry Intern Sofia Thomason. Here’s how I’m living deeply. 

“Going into high school, my parents were getting divorced, and it just rocked my world. I really didn’t know why or understand why. I remember the night they told me- I had youth group that night, and I was like, ‘I just want to go to youth group.’ No one knew anything, but I just wanted to go there because I felt the happiest when I was there. All I wanted to do was be at church- I thought of Mitchell Road Presbyterian Church in Greenville as home. It was my happy place, my favorite place, where I didn’t have to think about what was actually going on at home. I spent every Wednesday night, every Sunday night volunteering and going to youth group. I wanted to spend as much time in the summer as I could there. I had two incredible women in my life who really pursued me and made me feel so loved during this vulnerable time. Jen was my small group leader from 6th to 12th grade. She was the first person I told about my parents splitting up. I was embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to know, but I felt like I had to tell someone. I just started crying and told her I didn’t really know what to do, but I knew I needed to tell someone. I don’t remember much of what she said- just her presence being with me. Through her, I knew someone really cared. (That was God’s kindness!) She was so constant- the most consistent friend and mentor I had.

Then there was Bekah, eight years older than me, one of our summer interns who became like a mentor that summer. She came on staff after college and watched me grow up in the group. She was more than a church leader- she was a friend. When I was struggling through that summer, I asked her, ‘How do I have a relationship with the Lord? I don’t necessarily want to open my Bible or talk with Him, but I want that relationship.’ She told me something that’s stuck with me ever since: ‘duty, desire, delight.’ It’s a duty to open the Word and put time and effort into your relationship with God. Soon after that, you will desire to have this relationship, and soon after that, you will delight in it. Those three words have shaped how I approach my relationship with Him ever since. And from that moment on and throughout high school and college, the thing that kept running through my head was, ‘I want to be a Jen or Bekah to someone. I want to be what they were to me for someone else.’ I entered college at Clemson University thinking I knew so much about the Lord, but honestly, I was so naive in thinking that. I wasn’t really delighting in Him- He wasn’t my satisfaction. During my first semester of freshman year, I looked for fulfillment in other places, and I thought I was being satisfied. But the Lord convicted me: Was this really fulfilling? What did I want my college life to look like, anyway? Did I want to do something for Him, or for myself? Philippians 1:6 really describes my story: He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion when Jesus comes back. The Lord had truly begun that good work, and here He was again meeting me at college and growing my heart some more, very steadily- it wasn’t a flip of a switch change for me. I was -and still am!- growing in my relationship with the Lord and learning from him, and that takes time. There does not always have to be this crazy life-changing moment for you when you give your life to Jesus, and that is my story. Steadily and day by day, growing and walking with the Lord.

I really feel like one theme in my testimony is how faithful the Lord was in providing the right people at the right time. And not just Jen and Bekah- He’s put specific people in my life in high school, in college, and even post-grad. (One of them was CSPC’s Sarah Braden, who I met in high school when I was part of a work crew at The Edge camp; that connection is one of the reasons why I’m here now.) As I did two summer internships in Memphis TN and Birmingham AL and led YoungLife in college, I kept feeling a draw and call to go into youth ministry post-grad. And during my college internship in Birmingham, I had so many conversations with students about specific parts of my story. Some students opened up to me about some things that I had also gone through, so I got to bond with them, talk with them, and pray for them. Surreal moments for sure. I had a lot of conversations about divorce, and that was the first time I got to see up close how the Lord was using my story to help someone else. Somehow, I’d always known, no matter how bad things felt with the divorce and everything related to it, the Lord was going to use whatever I was going through. I didn’t know why, I didn’t know how, but He was going to use it. And that summer in Birmingham, He did. I loved helping other girls the way I’d been helped and felt like I wanted to keep doing it. So, during my senior year, I was interviewing for two-year internship positions in Memphis and here at CSPC, and looking at a full-time position in youth ministry in Birmingham. After I visited Knoxville, explored the city, met some members and staff, and attended church, I knew on my drive home where I was supposed to choose. At church that Sunday (during the snowstorm, I might add!) and heard James preach on anxiety -something I’ve dealt with a lot in my life- I just knew God was with me here at CSPC and that I could call this place home.

Moving to Knoxville has been exciting but, honestly, challenging, too. I grew up in Greenville, went to college 45 minutes away, so I was comfortable and always had friends and always knew someone close by. But now I’m in Knoxville, a new place, and making community here has not been the easiest. But the Lord has been very kind in providing little windows of community that I hope I can continue to grow while I’m here. I’ve come to find out there’s an upside to having to create a whole new group of friends and find a new community: I always knew the Lord was my friend, but the past few months, I have truly felt like He’s been my Best Friend. I’m waking up and He’s the first thing on my mind- I have to be filled up by the Lord, because otherwise I can’t face the day. I can’t do anything apart from Him. Like John 15 says, He is the vine that gives me strength, and I’m still learning to abide in Him. I want to know Him so much more. I’ve taken prayer a lot more seriously this past year, especially here in Knoxville. It is a chance to really just talk and have a conversation with the Lord, and not just ask him for things, but just tell him what is going on in my life. I have been going on walks and been like, ‘Hey God, this happened at work today, or this was really hard, etc..’ There’s something so special about saying the things I’m feeling -the same things the Lord already knows- but out loud to Him, like He’s right here next to me. In order for Him to be my Best Friend, I want to invite Him into these conversations and into every part of my life. Even if He knows all these things already, I still want to tell Him what is going on.

And I’m not only experiencing God as Best Friend, but also as my Father. That’s a work the Lord began doing in me my senior year of college, and I continue to grow in that mindset each day. With not always being able to see my dad and that being stripped away from me in high school, there has been a lack of a fatherly figure in my daily life. But that has encouraged me to look to my heavenly Father even more on a daily basis. Going back to how the Lord has intentionally put specific people in my life for a reason, I’ve gotten to see what marriage and relationships are supposed to look like from host families, friends’ parents, and mentors, and I feel grateful to get to witness that. I have gotten to wrestle with the fact of how cool it is that I have a heavenly Father who loves me so much and wants to give His children the world. He wants the best for His children- specifically me, His daughter- and wants to make sure I feel seen, known and loved every single second of every single day. I truly have felt a shift in my relationship with God, and I get to delight in Him daily. Every morning, I wake up and think, ‘God is my daily bread. Connecting with Him is something I need to do.’ And I truly have never felt more secure, safe, and loved by the Lord than right now.

Through my two-year internship at CSPC, I’m helping lead both middle school and high school students. I go to the MID on Wednesday nights with the middle schoolers and also TNT, where I get to hang out and create relationships with high school girls. I’ve been surprised by how much I love the middle school ministry- I really thrive in those chaotic environments with students! I’m the type of person who can’t sit for a long time- I have to be doing stuff, meeting people, and I love creating relationships. That’s just where I thrive. And through my time in youth ministry in college and YoungLife, I have just come to know I love being with students- it’s where I get my ‘life’ from. And I get to talk to students about Jesus- how awesome is that?! At The Edge camp this summer, I got to hear 7th grade girls say things like, ‘I really for the first time feel the Lord’s presence. I don’t know how to describe it, but it just feels different.’ And I’m like, ‘That’s Jesus!’ I’m watching Jesus work in the lives of students- I have a front row seat to that, and it’s crazy. I’ve known these girls for just a few weeks and I’m already seeing Him move. That delight in Him, that satisfaction I always wanted to experience- I feel it strongly in those moments. He’s fulfilling my heart’s desire- what Jen and Bekah were to me, I get to be to girls at CSPC now. I don’t have a definite answer for what I want to do after this, but if I feel this same energy and passion, I’ll take the next steps to see what youth ministry can look like. For now, though, I’ll just learn and absorb as much as I can while waiting for clarity about the future. Whether that’s staying in Knoxville, or going back to Greenville to do youth ministry there, or something completely different, I know the Lord will guide that decision. Looking back on this whole journey -from my parents’ divorce to finding my home at church, from duty to desire to delight, from searching for satisfaction and delight to finding it in Him – I see how God has been showing me who He really is: not just my Savior, but my Best Friend and my Father. What a gift to feel His tender love and care in so many beautiful ways.”