I’m Bisha Harrington, and this is how I’m living deeply.

“Austin was a colicky baby, so after I put him down for his nap, I let him cry himself to sleep and made lunch for our other children. When I went back to check on him, I was shocked by the unthinkable: Austin was face-down, lifeless! Instinct took over, powering a frantic race to save our three-month-old: CPR, medics rushing in to restart his heart, the ambulance tearing down the road to get Austin to the hospital. Next came 24 agonizing hours of waiting and praying. At the end of it all, Austin was declared dead. Time, sound, and life itself seemed to stop- drowned out by the numbness of total devastation. In the days that followed, I realized I needed to stand on the promises of God or die, both physically and spiritually. Weeks later, as the fog began to lift, I realized how God had been preparing me for the worst day of my life: Clay and I had just attended an RC Sproul lecture on the sovereignty of God the very weekend before, so God’s sovereignty was etched in our minds. That same weekend, we had also celebrated Austin’s baptism- we knew he was a covenant child. And just a few days later, one or two nights before the fateful day, I had been putting my older children to bed with Austin in my arms. We were reading the Bible and talking about Heaven- and our oldest son Jake said, ‘Mom, I just want to go to Heaven and be with Jesus right now!’ My initial response was, ‘Oh no, Honey! I’m not ready for you to go!’ Then, as I realized what I’d said, I was prompted to pray: ‘God, YOU are the author of life and death. YOU have entrusted these children to me only for a while, but they are YOURS. YOU know what is best for them and I trust YOU with their lives.’ God had me say the words aloud because He knew what was coming. And though I already knew it in my head, it was in the tragedy that I came to know it in my heart. He did sustain me. He did, slowly but surely, begin to turn my grief into joy again as I focused more on Him and less on my own circumstances. It seemed like everyone we knew marveled as we stood firm on the promises of God, held together by the single thread of His sovereign grace.

Austin’s death was almost 30 years ago: November 10, 1994. We were still raising two living children, and didn’t plan on having more. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could endure another pregnancy. But in 1999, I became pregnant with our youngest son, Caleb. He came 10 weeks early. You can just imagine the dismay of our friends and family: ‘Not again, Lord. This CANNOT happen again!’ Well, would you believe I never worried about Caleb dying? I had learned that God is in control- that He has my good and His glory in mind, no matter what He brings in this life. Caleb was two and a half pounds at birth. But the serendipitous blessing in his premature birth was that he qualified for Synagis, a drug given to premature babies to keep them from developing full-blown RSV, the very virus that had killed Austin. This drug was literally $1000 per shot and given once per month from October through April for the first two years of life. That was NOT something we could have afforded on our own, nor would it have been given to a full-term baby. So that was a huge blessing that gave us peace of mind. The second blessing was that Caleb came home on a monitor. If at any point he stopped breathing, the alarm would sound, and we could resuscitate him. I NEVER worried when I put Him down to sleep. Though I trusted God, it was if He was granting me the blessing of REALLY trusting. He was saying, ‘I’ve got this, see?’ Through all this, God kindly reassured my soul that He IS a sovereign God who WILL work things out for our good and His glory. Do you trust that He has you, even right in the middle of the mess of your life? Jesus has power over life and death. HE is the resurrection and the life- and not just spiritual life, but physical life. We will, one day, be raised to eternal life with Him if we believe that He is Lord and submit ourselves to Him- and nothing can compare to the glory of living with Him in eternity! Abundant life starts the moment that we place our trust in Him. I can trust Him to make good on His promises, and that changes everything.”