I’m CSPC member Carol Vanderhoff, and this is how I’m living deeply.

I know how hard it is to be the new person. When we got married, Bob & I decided that if God gave us opportunities to travel & move, we would take them. And corporate life did take us all over! We’re up to about 24 moves, so I’m used to being the odd person out- I have a heart for new people coming in and trying to make them feel adjusted. Sometimes the hardest things can be the stuff that sounds trivial, like finding a hairdresser- people guard those secrets! But also, moving into new churches can be very hard. Depending on what city we lived in, they didn’t always welcome you. You were different, outsiders. They didn’t want your ideas, didn’t want to hear where you’d been or what you’d done, didn’t want to be changed. Some church families were very hard to break through with, and we never did. That was the difference with CSPC- they welcomed us when we first came two years ago. And we’re not the young people anymore, not the ones with the young kids. (In fact, our four kids and our grandkids are spread out all over the country!) So as we arrived at CSPC, we were trying to figure out: Where do we fit? What do we do at this stage of life? And the English Language Learners (ELL) program looked like a perfect fit for me. Not only do I have a heart for outsiders, but I’ve always had a soft spot too for international people. Bob & I get to travel overseas a lot, and the language barrier – even for people who speak fluent English- is just difficult, and I have sensitivity towards that. So when I heard someone talk about the ELL Conversation Partners program, I jumped right in! I thought it would be a wonderful chance to help someone who’s new- whether they’re here for a couple months or a couple years or for a lifetime- learn conversational English and get me outside of my comfort zone a little bit. I got paired right away with a young woman from South Korea named Jin-Young, whose husband was here for a year working on a project with UT. Right off the bat, she became like a daughter to me.

The very first time Jin-Young & I connected, at Starbucks, it was a tough hour. She had fairly good English skills, but there were still some struggles. I wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but she texted me right away: ‘I loved meeting with you. Can we meet again next week?’ So from October 2022 to July 2023, we met every week at Starbucks near church. We started out meeting for an hour, but our conversations eventually got to the point where they lasted several hours. It was lovely. She told me very often that she knew God put me in her path for this temporary transition, and she filled something inside me. With our kids living all over the country and no immediate family in Knoxville, Jin-Young truly became a daughter. She spent a lot of time talking about developing as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother. We talked a lot about our prayer lives. I know God brought her to fill a void that I lacked from not having family close by. Occasionally there were things she’d run across in translation that she couldn’t quite understand, like renting a car, so she would just call and ask, ‘Can you help me with this?’ It made me feel very needed. She was excited about being in the U.S., but it got very lonely because she didn’t have her family and regular friends around. So she liked that consistency we had every week- to get together and talk. It was exciting. It was work, too. Trying to talk to someone in a different language, even though she was pretty fluent, made for a lot of laughs! (One time I was called for possible jury duty, and it was a sequestered jury. I would stay away from trying to explain that topic next time.) But what a great experience for both of us! I give Jin-Young credit. She really wanted to learn and embrace the American life while she was here. And that’s true for any of the people coming from overseas into the ELL program. They want to feel like they belong somewhere, that somebody wants them here. And that’s a wonderful thing to be able to give somebody- to make them feel like they’re wanted.

One of my favorite moments with Jin-Young was when our grandkids were here over spring break. I took them out to lunch with her. She was so excited, brought gifts for them, & taught them how to eat with chopsticks. They were 12 & 9 & came with all kinds of questions. Soon, we’ll be doing the reverse: Bob & I are going to South Korea next year to meet her family and see all these wonderful things she told me about. (Apparently, I’m going to eat a lot when I’m there!) My biggest regret when she left was that we didn’t go deeper into talking about faith (she’s Catholic), so I’m hoping we’ll be able to do that. For now, we continue to share prayer requests- and I’m anticipating a great time. Forming this friendship has been such a blessing. At this stage in my life, I know where my heart is, & it’s reaching out to those who don’t always fit in. We’re supposed to be Jesus’s light no matter who we meet. And I think so many people hold back because they’re afraid. But if you’re thinking about becoming a conversation partner, there’s not much to be afraid of. These are people who just want to learn, to get better at conversing in English. Some, like Jin-Young, come here for education or a job. Others are fleeing for their lives. As a mom, if my children went to a foreign  country for any of those reasons, I’d be praying they’d meet somebody who would embrace & care for them. That’s what we have the chance to do. So don’t be afraid. You just have to be able to talk & ask questions. You have to be able to laugh at yourself trying to explain our legal system to them, & to laugh with them when they’re trying to explain something to you. What a great opportunity to share breakfast, lunch, or coffee with a new friend. I’m the ELL administrator this year. Every week I look forward to seeing our students & getting to know more about them & what brought them here. We’re always looking for ways to serve them & share the love of Christ with them. There’s somebody out there who needs you, and their families want to know somebody’s looking out for them here.

NOTE- To learn more about becoming an ELL conversation partner, contact Bob Mackey: mackey.training@gmail.com.