I’m Evan Livingston. Last week, I shared how I’m living deeply in my work as a fifth-grade teacher. Here’s how God’s enabling me to live deeply in the rest of my life.

“Have you ever been part of a disaster that you were powerless to stop? Happening in slow motion, but unavoidable? That was me one afternoon back in January as I rolled onto the Cedar Bluff exit coming off I-40. It wasn’t raining, but the road was a little slick. I was heading down the ramp and started to pump my brakes, going maybe 15 or 20 miles an hour. But the brakes were locking up on me- just as I’m headed for a line of cars, all braking and stopping! This was the longest car accident ever- because I was going so slow but could not get to a full stop! So eventually I rear-ended the first truck in front of me. It’s the first accident I’ve ever been in. It felt like a soft thud. I checked on the guy in the truck and he was fine. ‘No big deal,’ he told me. So it was basically a fender bender for him, but my car looked a lot worse than it felt. The whole front was dented down and angled. ‘Oh, man,’ I thought. This was right after we’d spent money on my wife Judy’s car in December, and my car –the one I’d just wrecked- before that in November. ‘I’m noticing a pattern. Our life is getting more and more expensive,’ I thought to myself. ‘So how am I going to pay for this?’ Worst case scenarios ran through my mind for a second. We were able to get it to a body shop, and then they had it for a long time. So the unanswered questions just kept coming: Can they fix it or not? I know this is just part of life, not major trauma or anything. But for Judy and me –young, only married a couple years, in a new town- we’re experiencing some of life’s discomforts for the first time. Stuff like this is new and stressful. Back home in South Carolina, where we lived all our lives, Judy’s family is all within 20 miles of Clemson and my family lives in the nearby town of Greer. So we were never really in a situation where if something were to happen, we were just looking toward each other or looking to the Lord. It’s very easy to kind of get into the mindset of, ‘Okay, here’s who we’re going to call.’

We haven’t quite been in Knoxville a year (we came so Judy can do grad school at UT), but despite not having the convenience of all our extended family nearby, we’re glad to be here! It’s been great for the Lord to place us in a situation where we can really feel our need to rely on Him. Back home, in situations like my car accident, it’s easy to feel like you can kind of skip the whole prayer part at the beginning. Moving to Knoxville, God has humbled us in that way- quickly and often. We went from two salaries to one. Both of our cars had serious troubles. Then Christmas expenses hit. I had to take a step back because, financially, I’m a planner. So I’m thinking, ‘If we’re losing X amount of dollars and we’re only gaining Y amount of dollars, how are we supposed to get back on track? It’s not going to happen.’ That was really a teaching moment for me. I feel like when these situations happen now, I’m learning to be more at peace by praying about them instantly. I’m also realizing it’s not in my hands to control these situations. The Lord has revealed this idol of control in my heart. I just want to hold on to it so tight! And the Lord is like, ‘Nope.’ He’s continued to bring these events one month after another, telling me, ‘You have to let go of this control that you are so committed to holding on to. I have you, and I will provide when you and Judy are in need.’ And, you know, after that car accident, I was like, ‘Alright, you know, I need to just let things happen the way they need to happen.’ I felt more at peace than I would have a few months earlier. Of course, we still have our routines and a structure for how we spend our money. But it’s great to have Judy keeping me in that mindset of still giving, even if we’re not where we’d planned on being yet financially. The Lord still calls us to give freely and generously to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and He still brings joy in that. I’m good when He’s holding me, so I don’t actually need that sense of control that I’ve relied on too much in the past to bring me comfort. It’s a lesson I don’t think I would have learned if God hadn’t moved us to Knoxville.’