I’m CSPC member Jennifer Ayers, and this is how I’m living deeply. 

“The summer of 2020 changed my life. My father, who had been living with dementia, passed away in June. He was in New York state, the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic. The chaos & restrictions there made everything incredibly harder. Losing him was devastating, & I reached out for support. Jeannette George, a longtime friend, was there for me through CSPC’s caring ministry. She provided resources & the encouragement I desperately needed. Then, two months later, more challenges emerged. My emotions were already running high, & now one of our four kids was preparing to go off to college in North Carolina. As a mother, watching him head off during COVID & such uncertain times was tough. Around the same time, I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment for a brain tumor, which doctors discovered after I was in a car accident in 2016. The accident had been a blessing in disguise- it led to the discovery of this non-cancerous brain tumor, called a meningioma. For years, I had regular MRIs to monitor it, & it had remained slow growing. However, that August, the doctors informed me it was growing dangerously close to a vein in my brain. Since surgery wasn’t an option because of the tumor’s location, they recommended brain radiation. (I eventually had 25 successful brain radiation treatments in 2021.) Unbelievably, that same day, I had a follow-up mammogram scheduled. I didn’t think much of it at the time, having had questionable results before which turned out to be nothing. But this time, that day, was different. The technician said the images were hard to read, and they needed to run more tests. After multiple mammograms and an ultrasound, the radiologist, who I now realize saved my life, said something looked suspicious. I told him not to give me the biopsy results until after my birthday, which is August 27, if I had breast cancer. When he didn’t call on my birthday, I knew the news was going to be bad. I was right. The day after my 50th birthday, he called & confirmed my worst fear: I had breast cancer. Hearing those words, even though I knew they were probably coming, I still felt blindsided.

I was completely unprepared for my breast cancer diagnosis. There was no family history, no lumps, and nothing unusual in my previous routine mammograms. I felt like the ground had opened up beneath me. However, I was thankful that I had gone ahead with getting my mammogram (during Covid) and did not wait. We had received another blessing, as we had caught it early. I was referred to Dr. John Bell at the UT Cancer Institute, who was highly recommended by a friend and fellow survivor. From our first meeting, I knew I was in good hands. Dr. Bell spent an hour with us, answering all our questions with kindness and compassion. He even drew everything out on the exam table paper, explaining about my cancer and treatment options in detail. I cried and even laughed with him; he was exactly the doctor I needed. We scheduled surgery for September, just a month after the diagnosis. The plan was to do a lumpectomy and send the tissue for pathology. I was hopeful it would be a simple procedure. But days after the surgery, Dr. Bell called with more bad news. The pathology report showed two new, different cancers. I was devastated and I broke down. Dr. Bell was incredibly empathetic. Just a week later, I was back in his office. He pulled out the same exam table paper and different colored pens to map out the new cancers and treatment options. I now had more added risks. He explained that I could either have another lumpectomy or opt for a double mastectomy. I have a Type A personality, am very organized and thorough. I researched reputable sites, made lists of pros and cons, and talked to family, friends, medical professionals, and fellow survivors. After a week of intense decision-making and prayer, I chose the double mastectomy with reconstruction. During that time, my husband Jeff was my rock and was an incredible caregiver during all my treatments. My children were also there for me immensely.

The decision to have a double mastectomy was extremely difficult. One of my best friends (who’s a nurse), and who had seen many breast cancer patients, gave me invaluable advice. She said, ‘If it were me, I’d have the double mastectomy; but whatever you decide, make your decision and never look back’. That’s exactly what I did. Surgery was scheduled a few weeks after the initial lumpectomy. COVID-19 added several layers of stress to an already overwhelming situation. I had to get tested before each procedure, and they told me Jeff might not be able to be there with me. I was adamant he had to be there; I could not do it without him. Thankfully, after much prayer, he was allowed to stay. My blood pressure dropped post-surgery and I couldn’t move either of my arms, so I needed his help! The surgery lasted five hours. They removed a lymph node from each side to make sure the cancer was not spreading. I stayed overnight in the hospital, and my nurses took excellent care of me. I had a third surgery to complete reconstruction in February of 2021.The physical pain was brutal for me, compounded by my fibromyalgia and a rotator cuff injury. For over three months, I could do nothing but cry in my recliner. The pain was relentless. My plastic surgeon explained that my fibromyalgia was exacerbating the pain. I took heavy pain meds for a few months to get through it all. I was also processing the loss of my father (whose death I hadn’t fully grieved) and adjusting to my son being away at college during COVID in another state. The emotional toll of all that, combined with turning 50 and facing multiple health crises, was enormous. One of my friends gave me advice to cry in the shower, and I did. But I also prayed constantly, knowing I couldn’t endure this alone. God’s presence WAS my source of strength! I relied on Him to carry me through the overwhelming physical and emotional pain. Slowly, I began to see glimmers of hope and healing- trusting that He was with me every step of the way. I’m now several years into remission and doing well. I am taking meds for ten years to prevent breast cancer reoccurrence and will have brain MRIs for the rest of my life.

I’ve never had such an intimate relationship with the Lord as when I was going through these trials. When you go through the valley, you see beauty from the ashes. My survivor friends told me they didn’t want to have breast cancer, but they were thankful for how intimate they became with God through it & what they learned. Now I know what they meant- it’s hard to describe until you go through it personally. God was so near to me, & I could feel His presence. He gave me songs & scriptures with words that suddenly had profound meaning. I clung to Isaiah 41:10 & it became my new life verse. On difficult days, people would say just the right thing at the right time. I adopted the mantras ‘fight like a girl,’ ‘one day, and one hour at a time.’ I focused on finding one positive thing each day to be grateful for. That really gave me hope and kept me going. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for all the support I received from family, friends, and especially CSPC, which was so vital to me. The power of prayer from my church family sustained me every Sunday as I watched the service from home- it brought me to tears knowing they were lifting me up to the Lord. I thanked Andrew Keasling for praying for me every Sunday; those prayers meant so much to me. I also let James Forsyth know how crucial support from the body of Christ was. God carried me, as I was on my journey. When my treatments were done, I wanted to thank everyone who had supported me. We organized a celebration of life event, which led to an annual walk at The King’s Academy in Seymour, raising $7,600 for breast cancer patients. It was very healing for me & such a joy to support other survivors, those still in the fight, & to honor those lost to breast cancer. Even in the sorrow of losing friends to cancer, since we started our walks, I find comfort in the words, ‘We are all just walking each other home.’ It’s a privilege to be part of their journey & to encourage them as others encouraged me. God has turned my pain into purpose, allowing me to share His love & hope with others. It feels like a small foretaste of eternity. After all, He’s the One who ultimately walks us all the way home.”